Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Elsa is my homegirl.

I know....another "thing" about Frozen. But stick with me because you might like what I have to say....

Elsa is my homegirl.

I wish I was better at photoshop. I would totally deck her out in lip liner and have her sharpie in her eyebrows. Call me "Eeeeelllllzzza" she would say.

Okay here we go.

Yes, I am another person on the planet who really enjoyed Frozen. The humor, the animation, good lawd THE MUSIC! It was great...don't stone me but I still think Brave was my favorite....BUT I really enjoyed Frozen. I favor a good love story that doesn't always end up with a princess marrying a prince. That's my gig. But I have to admit to you and the 15 other people that might read this blog....I totally cried the first time I heard "Let it go". Who else did....let's be honest.

Josh and I took Thad to see the movie and we were kind of like "eh ok...this is good." But when the storyline of Elsa ran deeper I remember feeling that lump in my stomach like...oh shoot...a young girl basically thinking she has to hide who she is from the world and hold people at a distance so she won't hurt them...but at the same time being perfect, putting on a show...while not being able to use her gifts. Crap. That's me. At least it was. That was me for about 23 years of my life. Elsa. Is. My Home girl.

I always knew growing up in the church and of course in ministry came with certain responsibilities. Being a youth mentor, a worship leader, even a wife can leave you kind of wondering who really knows you. I mean we all know who you are supposed to be, supposed to act and what you are supposed to do. I mean a youth leader for example, well you need to read your bible..all the time, like how dare you take a break from your bible and read The Hunger Games. How dare you. You shouldn't cuss, you shouldn't listen to "secular" music, shouldn't watch Greys Anatomy. A worship leader, well you need to follow those rules as well, right, on top of you need to have be HAPPY EVERY TIME you lead worship! And a wife....oh need to cook well, clean, iron underpants, and you need to submit. Always let the husband lead. Always. 

I'm going to give you a bit of a spoiler....I "failed". At all of those duties. I couldn't get it down. You see...I love to read. I love to read my bible, the Word of God makes me weep because it moves me, it changes me. It literally lifts my spirit....but I can't read it all day. I am very much a processor. I need to chew and munch and gnaw and digest something for a while...and while I am letting the fact that I need to love my enemies more set in...I can read post-apocalyptic fiction and lose myself for a bit. I love worship music....but there is only so many times one can jog to "I can only imagine" and need some Katy Perry up in here. And let's be honest...if there were Christian TV shows...I'd no I wouldn't....but I see no harm in indulging in 2 hours of "Chopped". 

When I was a worship leader it was hard for me. I LOVED leading people to Jesus through music. Loved it. But it is hard work! It's emotionally exhausting. I mean you are essentially singing your heart out to Jesus in front of people...everyday Sunday. It's intimate. It's vulnerable. I admire those who have that gift and passion to share that with others. I am sure they have days where they don't want to do it. I am sure they ave days where they are sad for one reason or another. I wasn't always happy leading worship but I did still love it.

And being a wife.....good lawwwwdddd. I've been married for almost 7 years and I am still learning how this works...granted I tend to learn things the hard way (IE "Don't touch that it's hot! Ow I burned my hand!") I have had to find my style in being a wife and that doesn't necessarily fit in with what I was taught. When Josh and I first got married I hated to cook. I loved cereal and pizza. Up until 3 years ago I've come to really enjoy it but I remember sitting in a borders 4 weeks before my wedding reading cook books and being terrified that I was going to suck. My poor husband will eat burnt food forever! When really if I cook it is a blessing to Josh but he would rather me listen to his day then feast on the finest of meals. I wish someone would have told me that, but now I know. Josh is a grown man. I don't have to iron his clothes or even put them away. He's happy that they are clean. I wish someone would have told me that, but now I know. And this whole submission thing scared the living daylights out of me. I mean, I don't even trust the hell am I supposed to trust someone else and a MAN (Insert witty daddy issues joke here) to lead the rest of my life. I just peed myself. Here is what we have figured out. We work best when we both lead. If I just had to sit around and wait for Josh to lead in every aspect of our lives things would not get done! I would be pissed off and resentful and he would be bitter and disappointed. So now he knows I will follow him wherever he takes us in life. Whatever job or goal he wants to enter into I have his back, I'm on his team forever and always....but I get to share my opinions, my fears, and if I have a bad feeling about something we pray. And sometimes He initiates prayer and sometimes I do. And I don't have to hold these "super spiritual godly man expectations on how a husband is supposed to lead" over him because we are a team. We both push and lead. We both pull and bow. And we love eachother, we respect and honor each other, and now more than ever I know God is glorfiied in our marriage. I wish someone would have told me that, but now thank God I know.

I think my personal performance of "Let it go" was when I let go of all those preconceived notions of what I was supposed to look like. I was seeking the approval of other more than I was embracing who God made me to be. So I let my hair down. I used my gifts. I spoke up. I let people in and know who I was and if it wasn't what they wanted then they could look elsewhere and I wasn't mad about it. Sometimes people aren't always ready for you. Don't blame them.

You know the part where at the end of the movie where Elsa is getting ready to share her powers with the people of the city? She says "Are you ready?" I like to think that is the part of me I like best. The ability to freely say "Are you ready? Let me show you who I am and what I can do." It's easier to love yourself that way, to love others, and to most importantly allow the God who created you to show off His moves.

Hallelujah. Let it go.

Until next time,


  1. haven't read your blog in years. glad to be one of the 15. you and josh are 2 of my favorite people. thanks for your honesty.

    1. Thank you for your constant support Jordan! Love!

  2. I have to say, I'm an "Anna"; if only because all the 3 and 4 year old littles at school are forever on Elsa's groove, and it kinda bums me out. She was essentially 'the bad guy" in this movie but because she is glamourized, she's the fan favorite. BUT thats neither here nor there, because I LOVE what you wrote and I totally get it, and I especially love that its your voice I hear when I read this. So.... do you want to build a snowman? It doesn't have to be a snowman :)

    1. don't even have to ask. Love you!