Friday, February 10, 2012

These words just don't seem like enough.


That is all I can think of when people ask me what it's like being a mom. Here I am 10 weeks after my baby boy was born and I cannot imagine life without him and barely before him. I adore my husband with every fiber of my being and never thought I could love another person the way I love him....but here I am with my 13 pound of chub napping next to me and I can't stop looking at him. I am enthralled by him. I can't stop kissing his cheeks, his hands, his feet, and even when his neck rolls smell cheesey, he's still perfect to me. I always thought of the kind of person I wanted to be when I was ready to have kids....and I'M NOTHING like her. I still think farts are funny, I'm still a smart ass, I'm still obsessed with reality tv, wear sneakers, and I still don't like to comb my hair. I am nothing like the paisley diaper bag carrying, boot cut jean wearing, baby food making, most gentle women in the world kind of mother I thought I'd be. I'm still me. And as much as I love myself....I love my baby so much more. My added prayer every night of being the kind of wife God wants me to be has been to be the kind of mother God wants me to be to my son. I want to make him smile, laugh, I want to make him feel like he is the smartest boy, the most fun to be around, the funniest, the strongest, I want to encourage him. I don't want to tease him or embarrass him. I want to make him feel brave, so when he wakes up and it's dark he knows to pray to Jesus. I want to make him feel confident so when he is insecure he will remember that God made him fearfully and wonderfully. There is so much I want to teach him, and so much I don't know.....he makes me want to be better at math, and know more about history, he makes me want to watch a copious amount of "how it's made'' reruns so...you know, I'll know how it's made. I knew the minute I was pregnant I had a lot of growing up to do, but the first time he was put into my pale, puffy, tired arms....I knew I needed to step my game up. And even with all of those thoughts the greatest truth I heard was a gentle and quiet whisper saying "YOU are enough, here is your son...get ready to understand." And Lord knows I do. I understand. There is no love like this. There is no job more important than being a mother. There is no adventure like this. Here I am 2 months in and I'm getting that.

Son, my love, you were worth 5 months of nausea, you were and are worth less sleep,you are worth the stretch marks, you are worth tons of spit up and soiled laundry, you are worth a tired body. I don't miss life before you, not one bit. You are the 3rd best thing I've ever done with my life. And I promise I will pray for you everyday, thank God for you, and I hope you will always know you will always have me. I'm your momma. Forever and ever. I love you with my soul baby boy.

1 comment:

  1. this is just so well-said. your baby boy is just the sweetest. you will make (and you are) an amazing mom! its funny how life's priorities change when you put the needs of others first. such a huge lesson to be learned, but I feel like Heavenly Father meant for it to be that way! Love you, Rodge!

    ReplyDelete